Humility and Vulnerability

Early in our YAV orientation week, Richard Williams told us a story about his first YAV year in the Philippines. When he and his fellow volunteers got to their site, one of the first things they did was visit a local congregation, where the preacher had something to say to them.

“You are not needed here,” the preacher said. “You are welcome, but you are not needed.”

It takes humility to admit you're not needed, that the world will not fall apart without you. However, if you're not careful, this humility can devolve into an unhealthy lack of self-esteem and self-worth. I think this is largely the result of discomfort with being vulnerable. True humility requires vulnerability, because it entails being exposed to others as weaker, less capable, and less important than we'd like to think we are. Self-abnegation can be a way to shift the subject back to ourselves, even if it takes the form of wallowing in our inadequacy.

I have had to become familiar with the workings of humility and vulnerability over the last few weeks. Whether I was having difficult conversations with people at orientation, or learning to live with three people who were little more than strangers, or getting started at a job with a lot of responsibility, I have had to be more open and exposed than I would like.

For this year, I am working at Senior Support Services, a resource center for homeless and low-income seniors in Denver. A few days ago, a client went to an open house for his new apartment that he will be moving into this coming week. The day after the open house, he came into my office with a grin a mile wide.

"Libby!" he said. "I got a luxury apartment! I knew it was going to be nice, because it's a new building, but I had no idea how nice."

And he regaled me with an in-depth description of his new home and the surrounding neighborhood. I grinned and squealed and told him I was so happy for him, and I was. But there was also a little, insidious part of me that whispered, Why are you telling me? I had nothing to do with it.

It took me approximately 5 milliseconds to realize how ridiculous that response was. Of course I had nothing to do with this. His new housing situation is down to his hard work and perhaps the assistance of the case managers at SSS. Certainly not due to the efforts of the assistant (to the) day center manager who had been there less than two weeks. I was not a part of this victory, of this celebration.

But he made me a part of it. He invited me in to his joy and allowed me to share it. This moment was not about me in any way, but if he could be generous enough to let me in, I could be humble enough to let him.

I was not needed, but I was welcome.

#YAVDOOR #stories #SeniorSupportServices