Money and Shame
This past week, I did some dog-sitting for one of the members of the DOOR Denver board in exchange for a donation to my fundraising campaign*. Because they need to go out very late in the evening and early in the morning, I stayed over at her place.
I always have trouble getting to sleep in a new place, so as the week went on, I was increasingly sleep-deprived. I passed a 7-11 on my way to work, so on Wednesday and Thursday each, I went in and splurged a bit on those canned coffee drinks they sell in every convenience store. I paid for it out of my own stipend, and even though they cost a bit more money than I usually spend, the caffeine helped me get through the day and be more present for my work.
At some point on Thursday, a coworker came by my desk and noted the number of coffee cans I had on it (I still had those from Wednesday morning as well as Thursday) and we joked about whether I had enough. Then she said something along the lines of "Those are expensive, too! I thought you were on a stipend?"
I tried to laugh that off as well, but the comment cut more deeply than I would have expected. After a moment's reflection, I realized that I was angry at her presumption in telling me what I should spend my money on, in assuming I was being profligate and careless with my resources.
After a moment more, I realized that this was probably the first time I had ever experienced such presumption. At least, it's happened so infrequently in my life that I can't remember the last time it did. But this is not the case for many people. In contemporary American society, it is considered perfectly normal, even expected, to pass judgement on what those who have little money choose to do with it. This would be very rude to do to middle class people, and even critiques of the very wealthy and the ridiculous things they sometimes buy usually end with a caveat like, "Still, it's their money." No such consideration is made for poor people. If you have very little and ever dare to buy something that is not essential for survival (and sometimes even then), you better expect a wave of scrutiny and judgment.
I remember a few years ago when someone published a study or survey about the supposed "luxuries" owned by people at or below the poverty line. This ridiculous list included refrigerators and cell phones as supposedly obvious examples of people living beyond their means. Perhaps the creators of the study thought that we still lived in the 1890s, when iceboxes were the domain of the wealthy, or else the 1990s, when cell phones were the same.
Instead, we live in the 21st century, when it is impossible to make a limited food budget stretch as far as it needs to without the ability to preserve for a long period of time. For that, you need a fridge. Similarly, in this day of no payphones and disappearing landlines, a cell phone is no longer a luxury. Almost every job application requires a phone number where you can be reached. Without a cell, what should you list if your house or apartment doesn't have a landline? Or if you're homeless?
Anyway, I thought the list was stupid and judgmental at the time, but I didn't take it personally. Back then, people were much more likely to judge my choice in not buying a smartphone than in owning a cell phone in the first place. No one felt they should tell me that I hadn't earned the right to own a fridge or a laptop or a car. In other words, I had middle-class privilege. I hadn't yet had anybody imply that slightly more expensive coffee was a luxury I didn't deserve.
That's changed now. I have experienced that kind of judgment. It sucks. And I bet it would suck even more to face it all the time, whenever you took a break from crawling out of poverty to enjoy a little temporary escape.
Being poor isn't a crime. More importantly, it isn't a sin. Being wealthy, however, probably is, biblically speaking. (At this point, someone will probably bring up how Jesus said that the love of money was the root of all evil, not money itself. I would respond, if you don't love your money, why have you held onto it instead of spending it in ways that help your neighbors?**)
Anyway, maybe we could spend a little less time tearing down people who are already struggling? It might free us up to do other things that might actually be good to do.
*Shameless plug time! If you, too, would like to donate to my fundraising here is where you can do so. Be sure to include a note of "Libby - Denver" so they know whose account to credit it towards. And thank you so much!
**And don't even start with that ridiculous myth about "The Eye of a Needle" being an abnormally small gate in Jerusalem. Jesus was talking about an actual eye of an actual needle (and an actual camel). It's amazing how some people insist we should read the Bible "literally" when it comes to other people's sexuality, but turn around and insist that it can't be read literally when it comes to their own money.