Checking in...
I have to admit, I am not doing very well right now. I have to keep reminding myself that depression lies, because the lies it is telling me are pretty compelling.
Yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to go to church in the morning. I had some excuses: "I'm too tired," "It takes too long to get there," "I can skip once in a while; it's okay." Really, though, I know that, for me, church is always a rejuvenating and re-energizing experience. I never feel that the energy I put into going is lost; instead, I receive it back tenfold.
What was really going on, I recognized, was that my brain, loaded down with guilt and anxiety, was telling me that I didn't deserve that positive experience, that I hadn't earned it. I wasn't worth the effort.
So, I went to church in the evening instead. I attended the House for All Sinners and Saints, where I had been meaning to go since I moved to Denver. It was a wonderful experience, and I plan on going back, even if it means making the effort to go to church twice in one day.
In any case, I'm asking all of you (who I know care about me, in spite of my brain telling me otherwise) to please pray for me, for my mental health, for resources and opportunities for wholeness to become clear to me. Also, if you could pray for my roommates, that would also be nice. I know I am not fun to live with when my depression gets bad.
I am taking steps toward health, but it helps knowing that people are out there rooting for me. Even if you're not a praying person, just sending good vibes in my direction is much appreciated. And reaching out, if you can.